This is not my ceiling
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
