It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
