Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
