WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my vagina is haunted
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
