Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
