Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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