I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In other news, I just burned my penis
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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