alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
