the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
