the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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