obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
