Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
