I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
