apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize