i don't like sucking hair
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
