Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
