I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
