They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
