I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
