just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
