I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
