I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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