Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
