I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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