pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Randomize
