Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
