Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
