Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
