dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
