Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
