My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
