I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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