I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
