pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
