sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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