You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sext me about skeletons
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
