I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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