yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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