I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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