we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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