the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
