i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
