This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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