I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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