He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
