Define "chronic" masturbator.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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