He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
