Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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