Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
