I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
