so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
