I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
