did you get engaged???
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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