Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize