i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
