I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
