Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
