I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
