I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
