You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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