Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
