I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize