Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
