Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
