my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
try to milk me bitch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
