1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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