I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize