4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
