Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
