your parents love me but you hate me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
