woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
