OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
home. puking in laundry basket.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
